I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
