he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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