apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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