So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
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