I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
