i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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