I am spending my child support on dildos
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
