First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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