My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
