The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
