What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
