Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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