I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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