Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
