i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
