Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Couch. On fire.
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