i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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