He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
