I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
