my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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