paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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