He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
