dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i just had sex bonerless
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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