I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
you had me at cake vodka
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
