I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
