So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize