Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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