that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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