Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
