Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
