I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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