I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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