i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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