is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
