last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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