And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize