I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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