Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
