First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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