Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
