Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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