I want to make a zoo with you.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
