Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize