walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
40s are totally the cure
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
