we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I pour the whiskey from now on
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
