Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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