Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize