i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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