Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
