just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
