I feel great
I just peed on a car
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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