too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
