I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
