sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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