now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
