If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
