2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
