you guys were way drunker than both of me
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
