You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I could make wine with my vomit
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
If I die, sorry about rent.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
