dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
So vagazzling was a success
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
