Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
