FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
