Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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