I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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