toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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