i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
