my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
