Moan for me like Helen Keller
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
