You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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