but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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