I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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